My Hidden Feelings
by Chibi Vongola
Summary: Kudou Shinichi, is dead. No longer needed. No longer wanted. Edogawa Conan, is dying. Slowly nelgected. Slowly abandoned as his friends and family drift away from him He wanted to know if he did something wrong to deserve this. Only his cousin, Kuroba Kaito is there to support him but what happens when that pillar leaves him too? Rewritten


Summary: Kudou Shinichi, is dead. No longer needed. No longer wanted. Edogawa Conan, is dying. Slowly nelgected. Slowly abandoned as his friends and family drift away from him He wanted to know if he did something wrong to deserve this. Only his cousin, Kuroba Kaito is there to support him but what happens when that pillar leaves him too?

This world is gray, colourless.

People are filled with lies, hate and yet, we still love them. Conan smiles as crystalline tears run down his pale cheeks. Resting his small forehead against his black violin, he remembered, when he had a life, a family.

Haibara's constant sarcasm and teasing, Ayumi's adorable innocence and childish ideas, Mistuhiko's logic and patience, Genta's gluttony and determination, Heji's competitive nature and temper, Takagi's understanding and kindness, Satou's strong will and prankster streak, Megure's father like nature and authority, Kogoro's hidden concern and fatherly thinking, Eri's intelligence and thoughtfulness, The FBI's helpfulness and support. All his wonderful friends he made as Edogawa Conan.

Okaa-san, Otou-san, Asaga-Hakase, Ran, Kaito, Chikage, Toichi. His small but faithful family group.

The times where he played, worked, faught, chased, laughed, solved, competed, smiled, smirked, taunted, pleaded, cried, cursed. All his happy and sad memories he, before, wished to keep forever but now… he just craved death.

If first started 3 years ago, Ayumi, Genta and Mistuhiko found another boy who was just as into detective work as them, but wasn't very skilled at it, and he joined. He was polite, he helped him and did what he would normally do until they drifted away. He was funny, kind, polite, loyal. Everything someone would wish in a friend. They slowly drifted away from him and Haibara, both of them were immensely hurt and used each other as pillars of support until Haibara and Hakase we gone too.

*Flashback*

"Conan-kun!" Conan turned his head towards Ayumi as she ran towards him. His eyes spotting a young, brown haired boy along as she waved at him.

"Ayumi, who's this?" He asked and she gave him a large grin. She pushed him forward and he stood there akwardly.

"This is Yasuske Hiro-kun. He's in a year another class and he wants to join us in the Detective Boys!" She exclaimed excitedly and Conan gave the boy a sharp look. Hiro gulped and inwardly prayed he was allowed in by the apparent leader of the group, not going by height.

"Welcome then Yasuske-san, but I hope you know what your getting into" Conan said and he walked off with Haibara. Hiro relaxed and smiled at Ayumi who then layed down some ground rules for him.

(A month later)

"Hiro-kun, let's go get some food"

"Hiro let's play soccer"

"Hiro lets do our homework together over there"

The three kids the two shrunken teenagers let into their hearts were so focused on their friend, they didn't even notice that it had already been 3 weeks since they even last spoke to the two.

Their world revolved around Hiro.

Haibara was devastated. She had no real friends besides them and Conan and they left her. She relied on Conan and he was there, he didn't judge or laugh, he was just there for her.

*Flashback End*

A young woman, who was Asaga's newly adopted daughter, hit it off with Haibara and thanks to her, Haibara was making lots of friends at school. She forgot about him, left her research for a peaceful life. Hakase looked after them both and soon forgot about Shin- Conan, as if he had never existed. He relied on Ran, Kogoro, Heji and the police and FBI.

*Flashback*

"This is Asako Rin. She's the same age as you Haibara." Asaga said and Haibara gave her a nervous glance. Pulling Asaga aside she growled at him.

"Does she know about any of this. I have a lab downstairs. I am a shrunken 18 year old. Did you not think this through?!" Haiabra glared and Asaga gave a nervous laugh.

The the tradegy started.

Heji and Kazuha began dating, forgetting about all their friends in Tokyo, he focused on Kazuha and his city's detective work. Ran was deeply hurt and Conan supported her, he was her bridge and soon she crossed it. Moving on from him, she stopped needing him and went to Eisuke. Forgetting about all the times he was late to school to comfort her, all the times he stayed up till midnight to make sure she was resting peacefully, all the times he got injured for her. Kogoro was on cases a lot even if he was making a lot of mistakes he was still doing a lot better then he was before Conan came.

He visited the police station a lot before they moved to. Takagi and Satou quit so they could get married. Megure retired and Kobayashi-sensei is busy with her marrige with Shiratori. He was left alone by the new inspectors and detectives so he stopped visiting.

His parents were skill parading around America with no signs they were worrying about him. He never got phone calls or emails, just answer machines. The FBI had a large lead on the BO in america so they left, they destroyed them with Conan's help. However… they didn't tell him they were staying in America.

He moved into Kaito's, his cousin and only friend and person who knows about his secret, home with his mother, Chikage. Conan didn't go to school but he helped Kaito with planning Heists, playing pranks and finding Pandora which in the end he did and he destroyed it. Kaito was so happy, he retired as Kaitou Kid and focused on being a Magician but soon he was gone too…

He was now a world wide famous Magician, Aoko's boyfriend and Chikage was a successful actress. He was so happy and excited for them until he woke up one Monday morning to find the place empty, no food, no Chikage or Kaito. Only his clothing, toiletries and books, skatebored and anything else he owned. He found a note on the table, that was obviously rushed with no thought in it.

'We are heading to America to live- Kaito, Chikage'

No explanation, no goodbye no nothing. They didn't even bring him.

That day, all his pillars were gone, he broke down and cried, in his lonely empty home.

3 years had passed since then and here he was, at the age of ten. He already graduated University and was jobless because he had enough money to set him for life from his previous jobs. He was a famous violin and music prodigy.

He was sitting on a random hill somewhere in Beika, clutching his precious violin. He gazed into the lonely sky, watching as a single cloud wondered the endless sky on it's own. He laughed, no humor or even emotion in his voice. It was like him alone in the world of chaos. He had one person though, the was Reika, an opra singer he saved. He was her violinist, their most famous piece was Amazing Grace.

Hearing footsteps, he turned his head around to see faces he didn't think he would even gaze his dull blue eyes on again. It was everyone who abandoned him. Right, it was his birthday today, not that he cared much.

"What are you doing here?!" He said and stood up, his voiling clutched tightly in his hands and he saw their widened eyes at his dull, lifeless tone. His gaze rested on each person's faces, seeing their surprise and he finally landed on Kaito, his eyes darkened and he tapped his foot impatiently.

"We are here to wish you a happy 10th birthday Conan-kun"Ran said and she squirmed under his emotionless gaze. "Soka… Then where were you three years ago" He said, pain craking his emotionless facade he built up. Tears welled up, prickling his eyes as he focused on not letting them fall. They all flinched, especially Haibara, Heji, Kaito, Yukiko, Yusaku and Ran.

They got a good look at him. He grew taller but was still smaller than those of his age group, He wore a black suit with a blue tie, his glasses were replaced with a rectangular pair and his eyes were narrower and duller. His skin was pale and his face tucked into a frown.

"I needed you so badly, yet you weren't there. Even though every time you needed me, I would be there" He said pain filling his voice so much they could feel it. "We… we're sorry Conan-kun. We got so caught up in our lives we just… for…got" Almost all their eyes widened in realization, they had left a seven year old boy to look after himself. A hurt, alone, fragile little boy. Even if he was 17 on the inside, that was still a child.

Conan threw down his glasses as clear, salty tears ran down his cheeks before he could stop them. They all looked up sharpy, most of them gasping in surprise. They hadn't seen Conan cry before and now that they were seeing it, it struck them like lightning, they were the reason.

"I was on my own, facing something bigger then anyone should face alone. My only hope left me" Haibara and Asaga-hakase flinched. "My home and family deserted me " Yukiko, Yusaku, Ran, Kogoro, Chikage and Kaito flinched and winced. "My trusted friends left me without a thought" Ayumi, Heji, Genta and Mistuhiko flinched and looked down. "My supportering organizations dissapeared and reitred" The police and FBI looked very very guilty. "Then after all I've done to help my pillars, they still cracked and sent me crashing down into the abyss of dispair." They all looked guilty, Conan had done so much for them and this is how they pay him back, by leaving him alone.

He had no cooking experiance, no money, no friends, no family, nothing to defend himself with except an one time sleeping dart, soccerball and super kick shoes. He was alone and he had to work to survive.

"I can't forgive or forget what has happened but I'm not going to allow you to wallow in guilt forever" Conan said and they looked up. He smiled at them even with tears running down his beautiful face, he took a deep breath and said. "Let it go. It's in the past. Nothing can be done. Move on but do not make the same mistake" He turned around and walked away, towards his home.

They gazed at his retreating back and were filled with guilt. As he walked away, the soft breeze swept through the field and a tall transparent figure stood a little behind the small boy. It was Toichi, his young looking face twisting into a frown and his eyes held disappointment and sadness.

They all looked at him with guilt and shock, especially Kaito. Toichi walked away, giving Conan and small but comforting pat on the head and he faded away.

They could never fix their mistake, at least Conan was kind and tried to help them move on but they knew. What they did was unforgivable and it wasn't going to be an easy thing to accept.

Regret filled their hearts and minds.

Gomenasai. Conan.


End file.
